This is just what I do. Something scary pops up or things don't go as smoothly as I hope and I worry. There's usually nothing I can do about it anyway but I give these worries the authority to dictate my every thought until I'm completely exhausted.
I want to know Jesus more, to have an unshakable faith that can move mountains. I desire to be able to feel so close to Him that I'm able to discern His voice in this crazy world of distractions. I want to love and serve His people and bring them closer to Him. I work hard to reach these goals and become frustrated when they don't seem to be happening.
And while those are all good intentions, I get frustrated because there is NO way I can accomplish any of them. I want to do, do, do. I want to love. I want to serve. I want to grow my faith. I want to change lives. But instead Jesus is telling me to just rest.
Rest?! I didn't raise a lot of money, take six months out of my life, and fly to the other side of the world to rest. But again, I hear Him whisper to rest.
At first I was completely confused by this concept. I know God wants me here in Africa for a reason. There are things I'm supposed to accomplish while I'm here but how can I do that by just resting?
That's just it though. I'm not supposed to DO anything except love Him and let Him do the rest. We were created to abide in Him. We don't have to get overwhelmed in searching to hear His voice because He's IN us. In fact, we couldnt possibly be any closer together.
When we abide in Him, everything else falls into place. We don't have to TRY to love others but rather, it will flow out of us naturally. When we realize the impact of His promise to be everything for us, our mindset changes. We don't have to worry so much about getting it all right because we know His grace covers us. The pressure is off. We're finally free, and not just in the sense that He gave us salvation on the cross but in every single aspect of our lives!
I still don't understand exactly what it means to rest in Him. But He is gently guiding me and teaching me through little glimpses of grace what that looks like. Here's what I've gathered so far...
Resting in Him means not worrying about the unknown, what life in Lesotho will look like, where I'll stay, or what scary things I may be eating. It means not spending time on stressing about being able to find a teaching job halfway through summer when I get back. Instead, its finding peace in knowing He's already got it under control and will reveal it all to me at the perfect time.
Resting is when somewhat menial tasks such as copying and pasting homework into journals or doing the dishes after lunch take on a significant importance knowing that God is using those little moments to greatly impact His kingdom.
It's believing in the bigger picture, and being confident that God places us in each others lives for a reason. He gives us room to take time to appreciate those around us and learn from them. It's allowing Him to direct our focus so that our eyes can be open to see Him working. Its seeing God's intense love for His children through the passion and enthusiasm of the mentors leading the after school program.
Resting is not paying attention to the time but celebrating God in every moment. It's taking the extra time to snuggle and make an extremely shy student laugh so that they're comfortable enough to answer questions on their oral test. Its taking a break to sit and talk with another person, not thinking about anything else but giving them your full attention. Its seeing them as a valuable creation that has something to offer.
Its not getting anxious about doing enough or loving the right people because it brings a confidence that He's working no matter what and guiding you on the path He wants. It's investing in a first graders life by daily giving her hugs and carrying her around because you believe that God connected you for a reason. Its playing ball with a dirt smudged little boy you can't communicate with because you know God wants you to spend more time loving Him that day even if its just kicking a ball around.
Its not feeling guilt and failure over not reading your Bible that day. Rather it's being filled by constantly living in His presence instead of filling yourself up by completing a task.
Resting in Him allows you to have love for someone who upset you only a few days prior. It gives constant joy being in His presence. It gives you purpose in knowing He's working even if you can't see it. It gives you love when you don't feel like loving and hope when all hope seems lost. It gives clarity and peace knowing we aren't alone and it provides endless grace for when we do mess up.
Learning to rest sounds a lot easier than it is and right now I only understand a tiny portion. But its a process that I'm so thankful He's leading me on. Of course even when we are abiding in Him, life isn't going to be perfect. We live in a broken, messed up world where we're always going to have troubles. But how great is it that our God loves us so much that He promises to take care of it all.
So I guess I'll be taking these next three and a half months and beyond that to rest in His goodness with the expectation that He will move. Resting isn't doing nothing, but its letting God do everything through you.
Less trying and more resting, people!
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